Fullmetal vs Wowbagger
by Mae Equinox
Summary: A drabble of Hitchhikers and Fullmetal Alchemist. Just think what would happen if Winry got insulted. And Ed. And Armstrong for that matter. And for a strange reason he decided to go to all the Amestris people together... Maybe for my convenience


The odd flat head and green-grey skin obscured Edwards' view of the street as he was wandering behind Alphonse. With a second glance he saw his younger brother again, gently banging his suit of armour as he strode.

Major Armstrong was walking down a corridor of central, tediously swinging his broad arms from side to side meaning everyone passing him had to squish against the side of the wall to get past and brush against his big muscley figure.

"Hoa hoa hoa," Armstrong boomed as he brushed against the fragile bodies "Don't push, I know you all want to feel my Strong Arm Alchemy, but I assure you that there just isn't time to show you right now, I'm working" as the next person peeled themselves from the wall - "Doesn't look like it Armstrong, you have been parading these corridors all day" - and he laughed again.

"You, Alexander Armstrong, are stupid and narcissistic to say the least." It stated.

"Hm?" Armstrong turned to see the figure stood a little down the corridor. Heads peeped out from behind moments ago closed doorways.

"You wish to insult this body that has been carried down the Armstrong line for generations?" his yellow moustache bumbled as he flexed his arm.

"Yes, I do." It replied. Armstrong made a fist.

"You wish to insult _this_?" he roared rapidly ripping his shirt from his body, doors slammed shut and people moaned and squirmed, and he flexed his muscles. Something thudded against the floor. That same something stood up moments later with what could only be described as a sickly face. It wrinkled its' nose as Armstrong's pink stars burst out above his head and made it sneeze. It sighed. It peered around to make sure no one was looking. It smacked one of the pink stars from above Armstrong's head.

1 – 0

"You Winry Rockbell, are an idiot."

A whole toolbox flew from her hand, but don't get me wrong. That was empty, the pile of tools was in her _other _arm.

1 – 1

The now blotched green-grey creature appeared in front of Roy Mustang's desk.

"Roy Mustang, you are stupid," it jabbed. It must have got something right, Mustang was about to applaud. Although he was unsure of its terms on earth, clicking his fingers together in a sudden movement... must be the same thing right?

1 – 2

"Riza Hawkeye?" the now black skinned spluttering blotchy creature asked, looking at this harmless woman with some happiness.

"Oh hello, Colonel Mustang told me about you," she smiled at the creature. "Black Hayate!"

1 – 3

Edward whistled as he kicked a stone down the street. It hit a pile crumpled on the floor.

"Are you," the black pile croaked; bitten, bumped and mentally scarred for life. "Edward Elric?"

"Yep, are you alright?" Edward stared suspiciously from under his blonde hair before holding out his automail arm and grinning. It grabbed at the metal and pulled itself from the cobbled floor.

"You are a pathetic loser," it said.

"Okay. Bye now," Ed murmured, waving a dismissive hand while turning his back on it.

"Aren't you annoyed?" it asked.

"No, I'm fine, so long as you don't mention my height.. Heh, doesn't matter. I don't know why I'm even talking to a stranger," he mumbled, turning his head again.

"You are _small _aren't you?" it said.

"YOU ARE A STUPID, UNIMPORTANT AND BY THAT I MEAN IF NO ONE CAN SEE YOU IN A ROOM THEN YOU MIGHT AS WELL NOT BE THERE, MINI, MIDGET" the Hitchhikers Guide appeared in its hand and it was reeling off a list, the thesaurus synonyms for small "PINT-SIZED, TEENSY, TRIVIAL, NEVER SEEN WITHOUT THE AID OF A MICROSCOPE EVEN IN BROAD DAYLIGHT COMPARED WITH ANTS, SHRIMP-LIKE AND FREAK-LIKE MIGHT I JUST ADD" it slammed the book shut "AND SO UN-UNFULLMETAL ALCHEMIST BECAUSE OF YOUR SIZE THAT YOU SHOULD VERY WELL GIVE YOUR CODE NAME _TO_ YOUR YOUNGER BROTHER AND BE DONE WITH IT. I WOULD MUCH RATHER LIKE TAKING YOU TO THE FROG STAR ONE DAY, YOU COULD EASILY FIT IN MY POCKET AND HIDE UNDER MY FACE TOWL AND NOT EVEN SEE YOURSELF IN COPARRISON WITH THE UNIVERSE BECAUSE OF YOUR HEIGHT WHICH IN COMPARISSON TO THE UNIVERSE MEANS SQUAT," it breathed.

BOOM

"Before you ask Ed, that is what he said but after that performance of letting him win, it probably is what he meant and the truth," Winry turned and stormed off after hitting Edward with a few left over wrenches.

2 – minus 1,000,000,000

"Maes Hughes, hahaha, you are a, hahaha, stupid and reckless, hahaha, man," it said after thinking back to when the abnormally small human male blew up in front of his eyes with rage.

"Well, that I may be but have you seen my beautiful daughter Elicia?" Maes answered, kissing the picture affectionately and cradling it in his arms. Its smile drooped. Maes started rubbing it in the creatures face.

"Elicia right?" it grumbled; sneering, growling and doing about any other feeling and emotion you can appear to be with so much loathing and disgust on your face you look like you are deformed beyond admitting "So her last name would be Hughes too right?"

The End.

I know it is an incorrect term but no other way to describe. A drabble of hitchhikers and Fullmetal Alchemist. Insulting may be the same but the answers, arguments and fights may not be.


End file.
